matzoballer:

your mama is so fat that - wait she’s not really fat actually she’s kinda hot… hey tell your mom i said hi

bigstupidbaby:

i like australia because we call things what they are. like what the hell is a dime? its ten cents. a quarter? do you mean 25 cents we aint doing fractions here we are trying to buy some shit 

viarga:

just-laff:

egberts:

if i ever met a genie i wouldnt wish for a million dollars id wish that whenever i bought something i’d always have the right amount of money to pay for it in my pocket

you are one of the great thinkers of our time

Then you’d look at a house and be like “oh damn I wanna live there” and millions of dollars would be in your pockets, crushing and killing you instantly

godtie:

do you ever just glance at a guys crotch and think “theres a dick there”